then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
