"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
