You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
