did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im holly from the hills drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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