But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
