I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
