gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
