I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
