Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize