I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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