real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
