he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
