He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
