FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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