That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
