the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
