I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
