ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
