it hurts more in the daytime
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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