he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
