Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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