my mouth tastes like poor choices
Someone shit on the floor
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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