I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just cut my nipple shaving
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
