hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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