I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
