Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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