he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
