Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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