I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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