spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
