I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
