Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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