apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
