You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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