just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
