is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
