at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
