seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
