I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
