ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
