this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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