dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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