dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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