the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
