You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
