I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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