you have to choose: penises or morals?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize