We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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