As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
