I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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