i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
