totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
