I just pynch a tree in the face
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
