You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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