What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
