walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
