You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
