I hate all girls vehemently.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
