If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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