what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
