I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
