so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
