i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
