so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
