Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
