Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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