I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
