just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
