the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
