i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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