mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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