I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
