I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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